I always love listening to your audio Jess! I think eating in the closet is more about self soothing and chasing away scary feelings than about joy. I can totally connect with your go-to candy of choice in times of high stress. I always have a jar of sour ball sucking candies in my apartment. The sugar is the dopamine hit, and the sucking is one of our earliest self soothing skills (think pacifiers and nipples).
There's also something calming (mind numbing) about the repetitive hand-to-mouth motion, like eating popcorn at the movies. Combined with the pleasure signals sent to our brains that we are eating (which means we will live) it's all happening in the ancient, reptilian part of our brain. Some people numb out with drugs, some with shopping, others with eating, to various levels of excess.
It took me years to figure out that shame is part of the cycle, and if I wanted to find other ways of coping with my anxiety, I'd have to let go of the shame of my self soothing behavior. Ultimately, cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) helped me sit with a lot of the discomfort I had in my teens and 20s. Lately, I just lay down on the floor in my bathroom to feel grounded and safe when the anxiety hits. The more I allow myself to feel my feeling, the faster they pass. XO 🥰
Oooh...I can definitely see the connection to soothing and even safety, which is probably why most of my shameful joys originate with a story from my younger days. It also makes sense to me that you lay on the floor; I do something similar from yoga...rabbit pose...where I curl my body around my knees and become small and guarded. Although interestingly, I don't feel shameful when I do that. I'm sure some of this is society's messaging to us about what self soothing behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not, but that seems far less important than knowing which ones work and why. Thank you, as always, for listening, and for sharing such a thoughtful, personal response. 💓
I always love listening to your audio Jess! I think eating in the closet is more about self soothing and chasing away scary feelings than about joy. I can totally connect with your go-to candy of choice in times of high stress. I always have a jar of sour ball sucking candies in my apartment. The sugar is the dopamine hit, and the sucking is one of our earliest self soothing skills (think pacifiers and nipples).
There's also something calming (mind numbing) about the repetitive hand-to-mouth motion, like eating popcorn at the movies. Combined with the pleasure signals sent to our brains that we are eating (which means we will live) it's all happening in the ancient, reptilian part of our brain. Some people numb out with drugs, some with shopping, others with eating, to various levels of excess.
It took me years to figure out that shame is part of the cycle, and if I wanted to find other ways of coping with my anxiety, I'd have to let go of the shame of my self soothing behavior. Ultimately, cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) helped me sit with a lot of the discomfort I had in my teens and 20s. Lately, I just lay down on the floor in my bathroom to feel grounded and safe when the anxiety hits. The more I allow myself to feel my feeling, the faster they pass. XO 🥰
Oooh...I can definitely see the connection to soothing and even safety, which is probably why most of my shameful joys originate with a story from my younger days. It also makes sense to me that you lay on the floor; I do something similar from yoga...rabbit pose...where I curl my body around my knees and become small and guarded. Although interestingly, I don't feel shameful when I do that. I'm sure some of this is society's messaging to us about what self soothing behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not, but that seems far less important than knowing which ones work and why. Thank you, as always, for listening, and for sharing such a thoughtful, personal response. 💓