I SO enjoyed this, Jess. I don’t know how I missed it when it came out!
I love your inappropriate joy. I think its inappropriateness makes it MORE joyful. In my heart, joy has always felt spontaneous, surprising, and even a little bit defiant. Joy is a rule breaker. She’s a devil-may-care kind of gal who loves to zing you when you least expect it. Sure, she has her quiet, sweet side too, but I’ve always experienced joy as that kind of bolt out of the blue. And the best part is that if I accept her invitation to dance, any shade of inappropriateness evaporates like dew on a bright, sunny morning. Because if Joy says it’s ok, it’s ok.
Thank you for this lovely and funny piece, your fabulous reading, and reminding me to embrace all my “inappropriate” joys. 🥰
Your description of joy makes me want to be her bestie. A little naughty, a little silly, a touch sweet. But the essence of this is really your last line, "If Joy says it's ok, it's ok." I think that's the point. When we are directed by Joy, the inappropriateness falls away and what's left behind is an invitation for everyone around us to feel something a little naughty, a little silly, and a touch sweet. That's a gift, not an embarrassment.
"I despise the feeling of knowing I missed the mark, that my clothes or voice or tone or joke or entry were just not quite right. Not enough to be shameful, but a little more than embarrassing."
Yes to this! For me, it's this deep, deep fear of appearing foolish -- of not being "in" on the joke, of not being on top of things at all times.
In my personal opinion of the very limited knowledge I have of you, I think that a lot of what you think of as inappropriate is just your delightful You-ness. Conditioning to box yourself into a smaller space than your beautiful light wants to take up. I'm glad you've found a safe space here to let your light SHINE. :)
I so appreciate that reflection, Elizabeth. I believe there are times when my "ME-ness" is too much or too different or too inappropriate, but I'm starting to understand that that's more about the place and audience being the wrong fit, not me being inherently wrong, and that's a huge shift. I totally understand that fear of appearing foolish, and I see it as akin to my fear of being inappropriate. We are all just searching for belonging and acceptance, and I've finally learned to search out places and people where I can bring the entirety of my messy, inappropriate, foolish self and be fully loved for it.
I love this essay! Your writing is so great. I love how you love football. Here's the weird thing: last night I dreamed I was on my college football team (position unknown), but I had to practice a lot, especially since I didn't know how to throw a football (I really don't in real life), I've never had a football dream in my life before, and now I'm reading your post on football.
Also, my culinary weakness is chocolate. I revel in chocolate It brings me abundant joy!
I'm a slow learner about pop culture; my 17-year-old daughter tries to teach it to me, but I'm thoroughly uncool. And old.
My inappropriate joy is....I get the giggles in public (rarely, but according to my daughter, it is really embarrassing to be seen with me). I giggle for no reason. I guess I see the humor in the non-humorous.
That’s wild! A premonition for sure. It makes me curious what position you would play? 🤔 I absolutely 🧡 an inappropriate giggler!!! Makes us all remember not to take shit too seriously.
Thanks. I'm curious as to what position, too! Maybe a running back, but I don't know all the positions.
OK, my last gigglefest was when my daughter and I were at a store checkout about a half-year ago and the guy told me how much the groceries were and I didn't hear him and asked him, "What?" and he told me again, and I just started giggling. My daughter no longer wants to be seen with me at that store.
Whenever she brings up this "trauma-to-her," I start giggling again.
This is so good on so many levels, Jess. I love the distinction between what brings you joy and the shame piece. Okay, here's mine. I laugh out loud despite my better self any time I find myself in front of a TV playing Family Guy. It's foul, inappropriate, un-PC, all the things. I think it's hilarious, but I've never admitted that before. Football? For me, it's a hard no, but I love that you find joy there. We need a ton of it, especially these days. xo
Family Guy is a perfect example! Inappropriate joy at its finest. Thank you for sharing. 🙏 There’s so much to be legitimately horrified at in this world right now that any joy must be elevated and celebrated.
Exactly! I look for Joy opportunities at every turn. My 12 Step sponsor's name is JOY. Perfect. Every night before I go to bed, I send her a list of 10 things I'm grateful for. The number one slot is Grace. The number two is Joy. Both of those are at the top of my list each and ever day (oh and the pups and kitty, too). The other seven vary from day to day. xo And gah, Family Guy...but SO funny. xo
Grace and joy. What immense and giving things to be grateful for. It's only fitting that Family Guy makes the list. Everyone needs at least one inappropriate joy to be immensely grateful for. 😂
I haven't watched it in a long time. I started 14 years ago right after my dad died. I was deep in my grief and laughing at dark, inappropriate things was just the medicine I needed. And then, I got hooked (12 Step necessary in so many areas), and felt guilty occasionally for loving it so much. Who can say no to the combo of Stewie and Brian Griffin? It's pure gold and sick in the best ways. xo
I SO enjoyed this, Jess. I don’t know how I missed it when it came out!
I love your inappropriate joy. I think its inappropriateness makes it MORE joyful. In my heart, joy has always felt spontaneous, surprising, and even a little bit defiant. Joy is a rule breaker. She’s a devil-may-care kind of gal who loves to zing you when you least expect it. Sure, she has her quiet, sweet side too, but I’ve always experienced joy as that kind of bolt out of the blue. And the best part is that if I accept her invitation to dance, any shade of inappropriateness evaporates like dew on a bright, sunny morning. Because if Joy says it’s ok, it’s ok.
Thank you for this lovely and funny piece, your fabulous reading, and reminding me to embrace all my “inappropriate” joys. 🥰
Your description of joy makes me want to be her bestie. A little naughty, a little silly, a touch sweet. But the essence of this is really your last line, "If Joy says it's ok, it's ok." I think that's the point. When we are directed by Joy, the inappropriateness falls away and what's left behind is an invitation for everyone around us to feel something a little naughty, a little silly, and a touch sweet. That's a gift, not an embarrassment.
"I despise the feeling of knowing I missed the mark, that my clothes or voice or tone or joke or entry were just not quite right. Not enough to be shameful, but a little more than embarrassing."
Yes to this! For me, it's this deep, deep fear of appearing foolish -- of not being "in" on the joke, of not being on top of things at all times.
In my personal opinion of the very limited knowledge I have of you, I think that a lot of what you think of as inappropriate is just your delightful You-ness. Conditioning to box yourself into a smaller space than your beautiful light wants to take up. I'm glad you've found a safe space here to let your light SHINE. :)
I so appreciate that reflection, Elizabeth. I believe there are times when my "ME-ness" is too much or too different or too inappropriate, but I'm starting to understand that that's more about the place and audience being the wrong fit, not me being inherently wrong, and that's a huge shift. I totally understand that fear of appearing foolish, and I see it as akin to my fear of being inappropriate. We are all just searching for belonging and acceptance, and I've finally learned to search out places and people where I can bring the entirety of my messy, inappropriate, foolish self and be fully loved for it.
Hi Jess,
I love this essay! Your writing is so great. I love how you love football. Here's the weird thing: last night I dreamed I was on my college football team (position unknown), but I had to practice a lot, especially since I didn't know how to throw a football (I really don't in real life), I've never had a football dream in my life before, and now I'm reading your post on football.
Also, my culinary weakness is chocolate. I revel in chocolate It brings me abundant joy!
I'm a slow learner about pop culture; my 17-year-old daughter tries to teach it to me, but I'm thoroughly uncool. And old.
My inappropriate joy is....I get the giggles in public (rarely, but according to my daughter, it is really embarrassing to be seen with me). I giggle for no reason. I guess I see the humor in the non-humorous.
That’s wild! A premonition for sure. It makes me curious what position you would play? 🤔 I absolutely 🧡 an inappropriate giggler!!! Makes us all remember not to take shit too seriously.
Thanks. I'm curious as to what position, too! Maybe a running back, but I don't know all the positions.
OK, my last gigglefest was when my daughter and I were at a store checkout about a half-year ago and the guy told me how much the groceries were and I didn't hear him and asked him, "What?" and he told me again, and I just started giggling. My daughter no longer wants to be seen with me at that store.
Whenever she brings up this "trauma-to-her," I start giggling again.
That must have been one helluva grocery bill! 🤣
This is so good on so many levels, Jess. I love the distinction between what brings you joy and the shame piece. Okay, here's mine. I laugh out loud despite my better self any time I find myself in front of a TV playing Family Guy. It's foul, inappropriate, un-PC, all the things. I think it's hilarious, but I've never admitted that before. Football? For me, it's a hard no, but I love that you find joy there. We need a ton of it, especially these days. xo
Family Guy is a perfect example! Inappropriate joy at its finest. Thank you for sharing. 🙏 There’s so much to be legitimately horrified at in this world right now that any joy must be elevated and celebrated.
Exactly! I look for Joy opportunities at every turn. My 12 Step sponsor's name is JOY. Perfect. Every night before I go to bed, I send her a list of 10 things I'm grateful for. The number one slot is Grace. The number two is Joy. Both of those are at the top of my list each and ever day (oh and the pups and kitty, too). The other seven vary from day to day. xo And gah, Family Guy...but SO funny. xo
Grace and joy. What immense and giving things to be grateful for. It's only fitting that Family Guy makes the list. Everyone needs at least one inappropriate joy to be immensely grateful for. 😂
I haven't watched it in a long time. I started 14 years ago right after my dad died. I was deep in my grief and laughing at dark, inappropriate things was just the medicine I needed. And then, I got hooked (12 Step necessary in so many areas), and felt guilty occasionally for loving it so much. Who can say no to the combo of Stewie and Brian Griffin? It's pure gold and sick in the best ways. xo