That was an interesting and thought-provoking question. My thoughts took me down a different path than what was intended by the person asking. Everything in me screamed that this was a zero sum question, and I am so happy you reframed it from one or the other into both/and. I believe it is in following our path of joy and happiness that we have the power to change the world. And you, dear Jess, have shown us how to do that. Loved the post! 💕
Oh how I wish I understood a "zero sum question" in my 20's, but I was a black and white girl in those days. Your reflections are so well taken as I've seen how you play them out in real time in the way you show up. I so appreciate the read and the thoughtful response.
Aww, thank you, Jess! Funny enough, I have always been a shades of grey person. Growing up I thought it was a weakness to struggle when having to take a stand. Now I recognize it as a strength. That said, some stands are very easy to take. ☺️
You already know that I share some of your frustration and that feeling of being pulled in two directions at once. You have articulated that struggle so clearly here, and – more impressively – owned it. We are conditioned by the façade of social media, to never, ever say anything that might make us appear less than infinitely grateful for what we have. But while I do encourage gratitude in myself every day, it seems both insincere and limiting to pretend that we don’t sometimes want more. This is such a deep topic, and a difficult question. You have set my wheels turning.
I'll take turning wheels 🎡, especially since this might be the question of my life, which means I've gone 'round and 'round with it for many many years. It's an iteration of our discussions of finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, which is the one thing I seem capable of doing more now than ever before, but its that not enoughness, not from a self worth perspective, but from a life worth perspective that gets me.
asking if one is happy is like asking if one eats. for me, it is the quality of that fresh blueberry cobbler with whipped cream compared to berry picking in the heat and buggy summer of wishes
Jess, I feel this too. I fight with myself daily to embrace my smaller life, the one that suited me fine when Steven was alive. I've swallowed my desire to make more of an impact, I've told myself that I should just be grateful for what I have, and that it should be enough. I appreciate your honesty, and it's given me the courage to admit that I am ambitious, I want more and it scares me. I don't know if I will ever be satisfied, but I know that even when I am happy, grief is close. I love listening to your voiceover, it adds another level for me. Thank you for reading and writing this piece. 🥰
Thank you for accepting my honesty without trying to change it, Amy. There are many days where I wish I could respond "happy" and mean it, but I've never had a single one where that is entirely true. That's telling me something, and I just need to figure out what it looks like in the context of all of the other things that matter. I can see that bigness, greatness, energy in you too, and I can imagine that happy looks different in the face of grief. Thanks for listening and for sharing!
Oh, missy. I'm so glad your piece wrapped as it did. Here's my piece. No one's ordinary. We're all extraordinary, but sometimes we miss that fact. And my dear you change the world every single day. Our actions ripple out, and what you say to me, some kind thing, changes me, and in turn has an effect on the people I encounter next. We are all so powerful in our simplicity. We need to stay grounded in the truth that we each can change the world, by being as good as possible, questioning our behaviors and making changes where we can. Every time you give someone a hug, you change the world. Every time you watch Hamilton, you change the world. My great aunt Lily gave me a book when I was 6. An ordinary gift a loving aunt would give. That book went on to inform a good part of my life, my trajectory, and brought me to this place in time where I'm doing what I always wanted to do. When I publish an essay and I get feedback, that maybe I've touched someone in a deep way, I've changed the world. Little things matter so much. We have no idea how powerful we actually are. Love you deeply, madly. Give yourself a hug from me and know that you are changing the world. Every minute, every day. Everything we do has an effect on everything around us. Sometimes it's so subtle, we need to be reminded! xo
I actually think that's the crux of the issue. I know I'm extraordinary (cue guilt in saying that out loud), but I feel like I should be giving that extraordinary to the world instead of carrying it all around inside me in my ordinary life. But yes, I see what you're saying, and I love the reminder of the ripple effect of our ordinary actions. How the choices we make may leapfrog into another's life and keep rippling such that they become world changing. I'm not sure how to qualify that kind of world change in this whole messed up equation, but I'm certain it has intrinsic value and import. Something to remind myself on the days I get itchy. Thanks Nan!
I hear you about all of it, especially "cue guilt in saying that out loud"! Little by little. Let the bad guys stand out with their "extraordinary" actions. Hopefully, they're burying themselves. This country is being run by a clown college right now. Keep being exactly who you are. Be open to the messengers who guide you (I can't believe I'm saying that, I've gone all woo of a sudden). You make a huge difference in every life you touch, whether you're aware of it or not. xo
What a beautiful perspective you've built. I loved the self-awareness in how you know, when you get particularly itchy or gonna-be-a-bitch, it's a sign you need a vacation. A lovely insight.
I feel like that's been the theme of my 40's...self awareness. I'm hoping maybe my 50's is the "what I can actually do about this" era, but for now, I'll take at least being conscious of what's actually happening. Thanks for reading!
That was an interesting and thought-provoking question. My thoughts took me down a different path than what was intended by the person asking. Everything in me screamed that this was a zero sum question, and I am so happy you reframed it from one or the other into both/and. I believe it is in following our path of joy and happiness that we have the power to change the world. And you, dear Jess, have shown us how to do that. Loved the post! 💕
Oh how I wish I understood a "zero sum question" in my 20's, but I was a black and white girl in those days. Your reflections are so well taken as I've seen how you play them out in real time in the way you show up. I so appreciate the read and the thoughtful response.
Aww, thank you, Jess! Funny enough, I have always been a shades of grey person. Growing up I thought it was a weakness to struggle when having to take a stand. Now I recognize it as a strength. That said, some stands are very easy to take. ☺️
Isn't it funny how the things that sometimes make us feel weak in the world can be our greatest assets?
You already know that I share some of your frustration and that feeling of being pulled in two directions at once. You have articulated that struggle so clearly here, and – more impressively – owned it. We are conditioned by the façade of social media, to never, ever say anything that might make us appear less than infinitely grateful for what we have. But while I do encourage gratitude in myself every day, it seems both insincere and limiting to pretend that we don’t sometimes want more. This is such a deep topic, and a difficult question. You have set my wheels turning.
I'll take turning wheels 🎡, especially since this might be the question of my life, which means I've gone 'round and 'round with it for many many years. It's an iteration of our discussions of finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, which is the one thing I seem capable of doing more now than ever before, but its that not enoughness, not from a self worth perspective, but from a life worth perspective that gets me.
asking if one is happy is like asking if one eats. for me, it is the quality of that fresh blueberry cobbler with whipped cream compared to berry picking in the heat and buggy summer of wishes
Blueberry cobbler with whipped cream is divine! Quality, richness, depth matters here for sure. Thanks for reading and for the metaphor. 😉
Jess, I feel this too. I fight with myself daily to embrace my smaller life, the one that suited me fine when Steven was alive. I've swallowed my desire to make more of an impact, I've told myself that I should just be grateful for what I have, and that it should be enough. I appreciate your honesty, and it's given me the courage to admit that I am ambitious, I want more and it scares me. I don't know if I will ever be satisfied, but I know that even when I am happy, grief is close. I love listening to your voiceover, it adds another level for me. Thank you for reading and writing this piece. 🥰
Thank you for accepting my honesty without trying to change it, Amy. There are many days where I wish I could respond "happy" and mean it, but I've never had a single one where that is entirely true. That's telling me something, and I just need to figure out what it looks like in the context of all of the other things that matter. I can see that bigness, greatness, energy in you too, and I can imagine that happy looks different in the face of grief. Thanks for listening and for sharing!
Oh, missy. I'm so glad your piece wrapped as it did. Here's my piece. No one's ordinary. We're all extraordinary, but sometimes we miss that fact. And my dear you change the world every single day. Our actions ripple out, and what you say to me, some kind thing, changes me, and in turn has an effect on the people I encounter next. We are all so powerful in our simplicity. We need to stay grounded in the truth that we each can change the world, by being as good as possible, questioning our behaviors and making changes where we can. Every time you give someone a hug, you change the world. Every time you watch Hamilton, you change the world. My great aunt Lily gave me a book when I was 6. An ordinary gift a loving aunt would give. That book went on to inform a good part of my life, my trajectory, and brought me to this place in time where I'm doing what I always wanted to do. When I publish an essay and I get feedback, that maybe I've touched someone in a deep way, I've changed the world. Little things matter so much. We have no idea how powerful we actually are. Love you deeply, madly. Give yourself a hug from me and know that you are changing the world. Every minute, every day. Everything we do has an effect on everything around us. Sometimes it's so subtle, we need to be reminded! xo
I actually think that's the crux of the issue. I know I'm extraordinary (cue guilt in saying that out loud), but I feel like I should be giving that extraordinary to the world instead of carrying it all around inside me in my ordinary life. But yes, I see what you're saying, and I love the reminder of the ripple effect of our ordinary actions. How the choices we make may leapfrog into another's life and keep rippling such that they become world changing. I'm not sure how to qualify that kind of world change in this whole messed up equation, but I'm certain it has intrinsic value and import. Something to remind myself on the days I get itchy. Thanks Nan!
I hear you about all of it, especially "cue guilt in saying that out loud"! Little by little. Let the bad guys stand out with their "extraordinary" actions. Hopefully, they're burying themselves. This country is being run by a clown college right now. Keep being exactly who you are. Be open to the messengers who guide you (I can't believe I'm saying that, I've gone all woo of a sudden). You make a huge difference in every life you touch, whether you're aware of it or not. xo
What a beautiful perspective you've built. I loved the self-awareness in how you know, when you get particularly itchy or gonna-be-a-bitch, it's a sign you need a vacation. A lovely insight.
I feel like that's been the theme of my 40's...self awareness. I'm hoping maybe my 50's is the "what I can actually do about this" era, but for now, I'll take at least being conscious of what's actually happening. Thanks for reading!